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I've always been told I was funny. My mother always told me I should be a standup comedian. Yet
I remember a time in my life where I didnt laugh. Id look at old photos of me as a child and see the giant smile and gaping
mouth, with laughter. I dont remember when the laughter stopped. I still made others laugh and had become better at it as
the years rolled by but only felt sadness or emptiness inside when others would make a joke. I couldnt understand why I couldnt
laugh at others jokes. When I heard a joke it made me want to tell 10. Then one day something inside me changed. I began to
take control of my life and learned to say no to others in or out of my life and live each day to the fullest for ME! It was
then that I allowed others to let me laugh and stop trying to please others and kill myself so they would like me. It no longer
mattered if everyone liked me or not because I did have wonderful people in my life and they werent going to leave me as Id
been left when I was young. Id always feared being alone and not being liked but it was having those few people brought into
my life right when I needed it that allowed me to see Id always have someone there. This was a powerful moment for me, one
of the most powerful Ive had to date. It was a conversation with one of those people only moments ago that gave me the light
bulb moment where I realized Id made it and just how important it was and prompted me to write this. To that person I shall
always be grateful and wish to express my gratitude.
Thank you Neil!
Written on May 13, 2001
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