Fifteen years ago I was cast into the sea when my family jumped ships..

I paddled hard to try and catch up with them but was not fast enough

I grasped on to a rope dangling from beneath the ship and rode along with them, being beaten down by the waves of life, drowning in sorrow.

 

Over time I found my own boat and led the way for my family's ship, using all my strength to pull them as I guided them to safer waters.

Once the tides of life were not as strong, the burden was not as great and I began to relax..

 

Today I turned around and found them jumping ship, once again leaving me behind.....

I have learned to ride the waves of life and adventure...

I know I must continue to the next ocean and they cannot follow.

But each time I think of this I feel as though a part of me is dying inside..

 

And I weep....

I weep for them

I weep for the new ship they have found....

I weep for the old ones cast away....

I weep for myself....

The child that was never allowed to be.

 

 

Written on March 21, 2002 at 1:21 AM